Just Listening

April 17, 2025

I was out walking yesterday afternoon, rolling around in my mind what to write about listening and our upcoming listening circles.

As luck would have it, I encountered a friend I hadn’t seen for some time. And of course, we got to chatting. I don’t think she would mind if I told you that she’s a big talker. She excitedly told me about some changes in her life and how she was about to go on a last minute holiday in two days. We traded a few more stories and then the conversation shifted.

She spoke about an exchange she recently had with a friend who is in a difficult, heart-breaking situation. Since she had last seen him his life had taken one unexpected turn after another and that he now finds himself in poor health, without a job, without a home, and without any clear path out of his difficulties. It was a long, distressing story.

She went on to tell me that when he finished recounting his journey he paused for a few moments. And then he said, “Thank you for listening. People don’t often listen. Maybe they don’t want to hear it. And when they do listen, they are full of advice, full of judgement. You just listened.”

Just listening.

It seems simple enough, doesn’t it?

Here’s what my friend said next: “It’s a practice, you know, this listening. Not trying to fix someone. Not giving advice. Not judging.”

Instantly I was reminded of a favourite poem. I was on the edge of blurting out the last two lines. It was a struggle, I’ll tell you, but I managed to stay quiet for a little longer and feel the weight of what she had told me.

Someone somewhere has said that the most precious thing we can offer another is our attention and the greatest gift we can receive is to be listened to wholeheartedly.

In “Tell Me,” the poet Sally Atkins says it a little differently,

“Pay attention

We are listening each other into being.”